There can be no doubt that there have been a great many sad outcomes for investors over the last several months and perhaps 2022 portends even more. When things go badly it is entirely natural for investors to become ambivalent, angry, sad, morose, listless, despondent, disappointed and/or depressed. Those investors need to be restored to their former selves: they need help…intervention even, all in an effort to re-ignite their passion for investing, infuse their inner investing spirit with the joy and certainty of future success, while affirming that dad-gum-it they are good investors
who have just hit a rough market patch. They need a CSSC to lead them back to the path of righteous self confidence in their investing adventures.
You might be asking yourself just now - what exactly is a CSSC anyway? As the title of this historic post outlines it: a CSSC is a Certified Stock Solace Commiserator whose function is to restore the investing spirits of downtrodden investors who need a bit of solace in their time of despondency. And that CSSC could be you!
For a limited time - as I am very busy at the moment, Champico Industries is offering a series of certification courses that fully qualify you for the CSSC professional designation. With diligence and commitment you could become a highly valued - and compensated, CSSC within only a few weeks. Thereafter you just use our newly gained abilities to commiserate with despondent investors and let the cash role right in. While we at Champico Industries know of no one who is earning a SIX FIGURE INCOME in the rapidly growing field of Certified Stock Solace Commiserator Industry - we feel that the sky is the limit for those who get in early.
There are qualifications for entry into this field:
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If a little old granny was being attacked by a PeekAPoo would you offer aid?
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Have you ever purchased a Stock?
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Have you ever lost money on a Stock?
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Have you ever driven by a fender bender and felt bad for the drivers?
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When an Ambulance or Fire Truck goes tearing by with sirens at full alert - do you hope for the best and say a little prayer for the people involved?
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Do you leave the last bit of really tasty Lasagne for others?
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Have you ever talked with someone?
If you answered yes to any of those questions then a career as a prestigious and profitable CSSC could be in your future. There are three bonafide program levels of Stock Solace Commiseration as follows:
A) Professional Stock Solace Commiserator
B) Really Professional Stock Solace Commiserator
C) Really, Really Professional Stock Solace Commiserator
While each of these programs enables you to enter into the wide, wide world of professional stock commiseration those at the highest RR-CSSC level will be much admired and envied in their local communities.
Here is what you can expect to learn at each level:
As an entry level CSSC you will learn the communication skills necessary to turn a despondent investor around with phrases such as:
“Wow - that’s too bad”
“I really feel for you”
“My cousin screwed up to”
At the R-CSSC level you’ll graduate to more powerful communication techniques with depressed investors such as:
“You are not alone - it was a market wide phenomena”
“These things happen - you have to take them in stride”
“It’s not you - its the market”
Communication at the RR-CSSC can be really intense:
“Quit Sniveling - you blew it”
“You actually invested in that?”
“Suck it up Buttercup”
Now…you might be wondering what the cost for training as a CSSC professional will be. Well…don’t fret. Can you imagine the millions and millions of forlorn investors that
need stock solace help and what they and their families would pay to turn things around?
Besides - there is closure and a sort of dignified grace that comes from rescuing highly damaged
investors. The self satisfaction of being service to other human beings in their time of need alone outweighs cost considerations…doesn’t it?
Base professional CSSC Certification - $1,500
R-CSSC - $2,000
RR-CSSC -$2,500
But Wait - There’s More!
For the first 5000 people who sign up Champico Industries will knock off $500 for whichever program they choose and as an additional gift provide an exceptionally simple How-To course that walks you through how to set up an automated 1-800 program: You don’t even need to interrupt your day or even speak to most callers. You just let those commiseration fees role on in.
Thats not all - keep in mind that just like other pyramid schemes you can set up you’re very own network of Commiserators and even branch out into other life events where people need support such as lost pets, breakfast soufflés that went bad, or even for that failed fisherman or golfer. You have to admit that the market for commiserators is unlimited and poised to grow exponentially. And you can get in on the ground floor.
Can you imagine a large 5 story modern building with your name on it: Blah…Blah…Blah Commiserators. Inside there are floors for you’re different commiserating branches and specialties with your top commiserators getting private offices with windows even. And your grand private office complete with a balcony overlooking your pond and fountain - along with your name on the door: President/Blah…Blah…Blah Commiserators. Maybe in the parking lot a shiny black Bentley with your customized license plate? A runway model for a secretary?
Stop dreaming and start working. It can all be yours but it all begins by taking the first step - and by completing the highly specialized certification courses that I have spent a couple of hours perfecting. When your grandson asks what you did in the economy - you don’t want to say…well…I shoveled poo in Louisiana.
All the Best