Google You Owe My Mom an Apology!

So on Wednesday Google trashes my Infinera stock. That’s right, GOOG! I’m blaming you! And I know you didn’t do it on Wednesday, this was like a ticking time bomb, but it had GOOG written on it, for damn sure. Anyway, I’ve lost money in the stock market before. Don’t get me wrong! It’s just losing it in six hours that bummed me out. Buy the stock, wait six hours, lose 30%.

So that sucked. So I ranted a little bit on Wednesday night. And on Thursday, that’s today! On Thursday Google goes in and screws with my mom’s yard. I mean they’ve spray-painted it orange and there are holes all over it. And you left a plastic doohickey in my mom’s front yard, Google. I know that’s not the technical term. I don’t know what the hell it is. It does not look Google Fiber or Google Glass or any of that high tech stuff. It looks like a brown chunk of plastic. I hope you’re not routing lasers with that damn thing. Is it supposed to be under the ground? Because it’s on top, Google. On top of the yard, right next to the orange spray paint. I nudged it with my toe, Google, and I have to say I was not impressed. What the hell are you routing with that thing, water?

Speaking of liquids, I guess you know you cracked a gas pipe, and gas was pouring all up and down my mom’s street. This is in Charlotte North Carolina in case Google Maps is down because you forgot to put in the brown hunk of plastic that keeps Google Maps running. I guess. What the hell are you doing, Google?! Maybe some of your brainiacs ought to hire a high school dropout who actually knows how to dig a ditch! There’s something to be said for having to work for a living! As opposed to digging in people’s yards like you’re a damn start-up who has no idea what the hell they are doing. Leaving a piece of plastic in my mom’s yard. And fire trucks! We were up to our ass in fire trucks! People think I’m being sarcastic. But you and I know the truth, Google! It’s on. It’s on. I can go to Bing or Ping whatever the hell the other monopoly has going on. I am going to teach my dog to pee on the Google van the next time I see it. No wonder you don’t put your name on your vans! Yeah, sure, just leave us a bunch of seed and a brown hunk of plastic. Tell me where to mail it and I’ll ship it to you.


+1 REC for this line…

Google Maps is down because you forgot to put in the brown hunk of plastic that keeps Google Maps running. I guess.