long term memory

The only advice I can offer is to keep suggesting - keep talking about the whys - the wherefores
- and try to show the lady some of the benefits of the approach. We did have some success with
relatives when some of the socialization activities were able to be used as an “entryway” -
they were card players - euchre is quite popular in the mid-west. Some hook might be available
- say a knitters club or book club?

So far, we can’t even get her to visit us in our retirement home. We moved here six months ago, and immediately I found myself getting daily cancer treatments (radiology and chemo) which makes it hard for us to visit with her at her home. Covid lockdowns don’t help. But, yes, there are a number of special interest clubs and activities available. The Countess attends a Yoga class, for instance. I play bridge (When I’m not getting @@&&&%%$### radiography treatments.)

Our retirement home is ~40 miles from MIL’s house, but it’s TOO FAR!!! We aren’t really pushing a visit here until my treatments are finished (Next week!!!) and we hope the Covid situation will cool down. Right now we can’t have guests in the dining room. They would have to eat in our apartment or in the “cantina”.

The retirement home has a number of “Hotel Rooms” available for guests, so we don’t need to fret about arrangements. One such hotel room is two doors down the hall from us. They may have been intended to be studio apartments - refrigerators, microwaves, etc, but for now they are used for visiting friends and relatives.

Our complex is only 77% occupied. It opened 3 years ago, and has yet to be completely filled. Interestingly (to me), all the more expensive units are taken. We have discovered this is one of the more affluent areas in Southern California. I kinda knew this before, but it’s more obvious now. Interesting, because they have some difficulty hiring people to fill the more menial jobs here. Many of the wait staff in the dining rooms are local high school students.

There are retirement homes all over Southern California by now, including several near MIL. I may nudge her to visit one of those. For now, I leave her alone.

CNC

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Nice balloons :balloon:

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“Our retirement home is ~40 miles from MIL’s house, but it’s TOO FAR!!! We aren’t really pushing a visit here until my treatments are finished (Next week!!!) and we hope the Covid situation will cool down. Right now we can’t have guests in the dining room. They would have to eat in our apartment or in the “cantina””


Does MIL still drive? And also is she confident in her own driving? A lot of times people
find excuses to avoid driving when they begin to doubt themselves or their ability to get around
once they get to their destination. This combined with denial that a need exists might be enough
to make the lady say things even close by are “too far”.

Howie52
Hope the treatments continue to not be overly a strain or a pain. There are a lot of good thoughts
for your condition - and even a stray prayer or two from folks who have such faith.

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Sheila asked me what board I frequent, and I answered it. Hopefully she’ll pop over.

I will be. It sounds like a good place.

=sheila

“Faith is a dry riverbed.”

**********************************************************

Or a fountain in the dry sands.

Howie52
Largely a function of the individual and their individual needs, wants or desires.

To me, defining “faith” in the context of accepting the existence of a god and that this god requires love and adherence is very limited and limiting. I think we can choose what we find most important to place our faith in, whether it is a traditional god, or nature, or learning, or art, or…

=sheila

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Howie: Does MIL still drive?

No, and there are complicating issues. But the retirement homes all offer regular transportation via what we call a jitney bus. Regular routes to grocery, pharma, shopping, etc, special trips for doctor visits, etc.

CNC

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"To me, defining “faith” in the context of accepting the existence of a god and that this god requires love and adherence is very limited and limiting. I think we can choose what we find most important to place our faith in, whether it is a traditional god, or nature, or learning, or art, or…

=sheila "


Rugged individualism at work.

Howie52
The concept of a loving and forgiving God has never been limiting in my mind. While the concept
of mankind sitting alone in the universe with no limitations on his or her actions is quite
frankly extraordinarily limiting.
But this type of difference in perspective does certainly provide food for thought.

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"No, and there are complicating issues. But the retirement homes all offer regular transportation via what we call a jitney bus. Regular routes to grocery, pharma, shopping, etc, special trips for doctor visits, etc.

CNC"


I’ve known a lot of folks who stop socializing or visiting friends right when they stop driving.
People tend to view doctor appointments, shopping or group excursions differently - possibly
because they see a timed schedule. Visits require them to arrange for a pickup - which they view
with some uncertainty. They don’t have control over when they could go but don’t feel comfortable
telling someone they can stay for a hour or two hours but then have to leave because of an arranged
bus or ride service.

Howie52
I still remember when my family visited relatives that I always had the lecture "Don’t be a bother
to Aunt This and Uncle That. And as my parents and grandparents got older part of just about
every conversation included the “I don’t want to be a bother to you.”
Getting parents or in-laws to recognize that asking for help is not a “bother” but a necessity
and actually less of a worry than if they try to go without is difficult.
So, we just kept trying, kept offering, and sometimes just insisted on staying involved.
Course, nagging was always an art form in my family.

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I’d likely volunteer for the research. It is still alarming how 1poormom is declining. She is the first in our family that we’re aware of, but now it’s in my family history.

Now I worry that everything I forget is a sign I’m going to have issues also. :frowning:

I will be. It sounds like a good place.

I think you’ll like it. You’re in favor of data, so you’ll fit in well. We can be a bit harsh with people that make claims with no data, but if you have some then it will be grist for discussion. We also discuss the pandemic, caring for parents, and pretty much everything else. I think a few folks followed me to this board after I posted a link a while back. Or maybe I followed them…see…my memory is shaky now, and makes me wonder if I’m following 1poormom…

1poorlady and I both are concerned that without the stimulation involved in having a job, that our brains could turn to mush.

1poorguy (currently discussing why interstellar travel is effectively impossible without some radically new physics)

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The concept of a loving and forgiving God has never been limiting in my mind. While the concept
of mankind sitting alone in the universe with no limitations on his or her actions is quite
frankly extraordinarily limiting.

I find that first concept extremely limiting, and the tunnel-vision insistence that the god of one’s culture is THE god and the ONLY god is incredibly limiting, and the rationale for untold destruction of human beings who believe in a different god. Your second options — with no limitations on his/her actions — fits far more realistically with the world and human nature as it really is. Put Putin ad Ukraine in the current blanks.

=sheila

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The concept of a loving and forgiving God has never been limiting in my mind. While the concept
of mankind sitting alone in the universe with no limitations on his or her actions is quite
frankly extraordinarily limiting.

I find that first concept extremely limiting, and the tunnel-vision insistence that the god of one’s culture is THE god and the ONLY god is incredibly limiting, and the rationale for untold destruction of human beings who believe in a different god.

This is 'way off topic for this board, no? There used to be a board called “Atheism vs Religion” or some such. Otherwise, it adds nothing here. (IMHO)

CNC

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There used to be a board called “Atheism vs Religion” or some such.

Found it!

https://discussion.fool.com/the-theistatheist-dialogs-116057.asp…

Seems to be defunct - died for lack of interest?

“1poorlady and I both are concerned that without the stimulation involved in having a job, that our brains could turn to mush.”


Mush is not too bad if seasoned well.

Howie52
Since I retired, there seems to be more and more needing to be done - round the house, providing
support for DW, fixing meals, doing repairs round the house (and then repairing things found wrong
when doing the repairs), cleaning, getting things ready for home renovations, shopping (grocery store
drug store, birthday-Christmas-anniversaries-Mother’s Day) lawn work - talking things over with the
family trying to find some common ground for the folks.
Finding ways to get the family to agree on approaches - medical, financial and social - seems to take
so much time and energy. The actual work can be pure joy - but the planning and staging takes
a lot out of people.

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