This isn’t OT at all.
I’d share what my story is, but you seem to be finding your way.
There will be ups and downs and sideways stuff.
As for me, (if anyone is interested) everyday, waking moments are filled with regrets and remembering the passing. Then I try to do my day.
How anyone gets passed this is a mystery to me.
I have had some dreams with my DH in it, and oddly I tend to ask him, why are you here? How did you get here?
nag