OT MSN: Having money often makes people quieter about it, especially when friendships, family, and everyday life are on the line

Investment Analysis Clubs Macro Economic Trends and Risks
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This ezine article is not really ‘macro economic’… but is ‘human interest’ pertinent to many METARians?

I’m in the “I’m financially better off than most folks I know”. So, I deal with these thoughts somewhat frequently.

Why Americans are hiding their wealth from friends and family: 11 real reasons

People are realising that flaunting their cash often invites unwanted attention and creates awkward social barriers.
I’m not a ‘flaunter’ so this doesn’t much apply.

Dodging The Guilt Trip Of Having More
They do not want their childhood buddies to feel bad about taking different paths in life.
I’m not much into guilt or guilt tripping.
I’m more into “Choices have consequences”.
I DO think, though, that childhood milieu has a direct influence on how one conceives of ‘wealth’. The ‘get a good education, get a good job, and you’ll be taken care of’… is bad advice. You must be proactive.
The ‘it takes money to make money’ advice is only partly correct.

Avoiding The Uncomfortable Handout Requests
Saying no to someone you care about is incredibly painful and awkward for everyone involved.
This is the one that gets me. I WANT my sibling to ‘enjoy’ retirement. But, I see struggling… due to choices, even now.
I do give some support. But, it’s sporadic and I always preface it with… “the market has been good to me this month/year, so take it while it’s available. there’s no guarantee there’ll be more.”
And, I have to fight the ‘choices have consequences’ judgement.

A 2025 JG Wentworth survey found that 51.6% of respondents have borrowed money from a friend or family member at least once. By hiding their financial cushion, wealthy individuals protect themselves from feeling like an ATM.

I have ‘lent’ money a few times, to a friend who wanted a ‘loan’.
To protect myself (my own mental emotions), I ALWAYS only ‘lend’ money that I can afford to ‘lose completely’… Ie, in my mind I consider it a ‘gift’.
If it’s not repaid, I do NOT fret about it.
i also do not ‘lend’ to that person again … with some wiggle room. For instance, I would ‘help’ a relative/close friend… just cause.

Protecting Relationships From Resentment
This one keeps me ‘silent’.

The same 2025 JG Wentworth survey (above comment) revealed that 75.1% of people who lent or borrowed money from loved ones reported they are no longer as close as they used to be.
Yep. When I refuse… those people have ‘moved on’. LOLOL.
I’m generally not too ‘hurt’ when someone moves on. I have my ‘path’ and others have their ‘paths’. I wish them well on their journeys.
There are a couple who don’t seem to have any embarrassment about the situation, though.

Escaping The Trap Of Financial Infidelity
A Bankrate survey found that 40% of adults in relationships have kept a financial secret from their partner.
Yes. Choices have consequences.
I’m single. No, I don’t do ‘joint bank accounts’.

Keeping The Target Off Their Backs
Blending into the crowd is a basic survival tactic for anyone with significant assets to protect.
YES! I definitely do this. I dress ‘down’. But, at the same time, I’m genetically frugal. I enjoy a good thrift shop. I’m an introvert, and do NOT ‘need’ attention. So, being low key fits my personality.
In today’s AI and ‘data breach’ age… I sorta think an anonymous ‘trust’ might be useful.

Sidestepping Unsolicited Investment Advice
Wealthy individuals hide their cash to avoid listening to terrible pitches for investments they have zero interest in.
Not a problem for me.

Rejecting The Showy Lifestyle Expectations
They hide their money because they genuinely prefer clipping coupons and shopping at discount grocery stores.
Living frugally brings them joy, and they refuse to let societal expectations dictate their spending habits. They find comfort in wearing worn-out jeans and drinking cheap coffee instead of keeping up appearances.
Me.

Preventing Sibling Rivalry And Family Drama
Siblings also conceal their earnings to prevent jealousy from poisoning their lifelong bond.
Money discussions at family gatherings almost always lead to hurt feelings and bitter comparisons.
I don’t discuss my finances at family or social gatherings.
I DO tell my nieces n nephews to invest in the stock market. If they have questions, I am willing to help them learn. I have one nephew whom I’m mentoring.
But, I do NOT reveal my financial details.

Shielding Kids From Developing Entitlement
Kids who think they have an endless trust fund waiting for them often lose their motivation to study or build a career.
In general, I’m NOT in control of others. ‘Being entitled’ is a learning experience. And, me trying to be ‘in control’ of other’s choices and to JUDGE their choices… well, that’s just not me.

They want their kids to experience the satisfaction of earning their own paycheck and fighting for their dreams.

Achieving financial goals and milestones has been rewarding for me. I definitely think about this for the one nephew who has responded to my ‘get into the stock market’ and whom I’m mentoring.

Preserving A Normal Social Life
They purposefully choose to blend in so they can enjoy the simple pleasures of a totally normal existence.
I don’t worry too much about ‘social life’. As an introvert…
But, I also don’t flagrantly share the details of my ‘consumption’.

Embracing The Quiet Luxury Mindset
People are hiding their wealth in plain sight by adopting a minimalist approach to their wardrobe and lifestyle.
This shift is all about personal comfort rather than seeking validation from strangers on the internet. They would rather invest in experiences and peace of mind than loud items that scream for attention.
Me.
I find that I have a ‘toss it if I don’t like it’ attitude.
AND… if a food item has even a hint of ‘bad/expired/might make me sick’… I toss it. In the past, I would often ‘risk it’.

:slight_smile:
ralph

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Reason 12: It’s none of their business. Did I miss it?

The Captain

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I have occasionally referred to this as the Wealth Spectrum (not my term but I no longer recall where I borrowed it).

When we are poor(ish), it is common and comfortable to speak about not being able to afford something. It is socially acceptable to talk about our lack of wealth.

Our concerns are, “will I be OK?”

As our wealth grows, we eventually switch from, “will I be OK?” to “what am I missing?” Once we reach that point, is becomes a social faux pas to talk about our wealth - we are not allowed to discuss it.

I think this part is bullocks.

They don’t prefer it - it is simply all they have ever known. They have spent 100% of their life being a penny pincher and now they don’t know how to live any other way. They spent all their life watching their accounts grow and the idea of watching them shrink has them terrified.

I used to think that the number one fear for retired people is outliving their money. I think it really is spending down their investments. The more success my clients have been at saving for retirement, the harder it is for them to spend it in retirement.

Reminds me of a 85-yr old client who is a millionaire but still works 30-40 hours a week at a local buffet. She doesn’t know how else to live.

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I can’t speak for others. So for just me:
I’ve intentionally gotten rid of 90% of “stuff” to which I had an emotional attachment.
My stuff is second hand and hand me downs, and stuff I don’t mind throwing away or losing.

My folks, depression era hard scrabble farmers, were penny pinchers. I am also. I don’t have to think about it.

Changing this “mindset” has been and continues to be a bit of a struggle.

So, yes, “it’s all they’ve ever known” is certainly part of it.

Going through a couple financial thresholds, especially the first 2-comma mark, … took me a while to wrap my head around it. I took a couple months, stepped back n reminded myself who I was and wanted to be.

Settling in to the feelings of genuine accomplishment and achievement are “wins” that I don’t want to “rob my heirs of”.

I don’t want to be “terrified of drawing down”. But I also am not n will not be a spend thrift.

But, again, that’s just me. I found the OP interesting in that others experience similar situations as I.

I made choices .. which have consequences.

:smiley:
ralph

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The only financial advice that I give is to younger members of the family.

It’s a lesson about compound interest that they know very little about despite years at school and college.

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Raised in a family of puritan cultural attitudes. Work hard, be a prudent agent of wonder and love in spending, and be happy.

My spending remains low on fungible/consumed goods, and extremely demanding on capital goods. I have tithed (mostly not to church etc, but rather charities where I am actively helping and watching) at 10% minimum since getting my first full time job after college. When I am gone my estate passes to charities I have strong connections and commitments.

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I am thinking of making a major gift of money to my mother.

Neither my sisters nor my mother need money. The issue is setting up an insurance policy of sorts, a backup plan for our retirements.

I discuss the world’s topics very freely. That alone is a problem for most lay people.

I never lay dollars and cents on them as information.

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If you retire early, many people already assume you’re financially better off than they will ever be. The strange thing is that though most friends/acquaintances are happy for you, there are a few weirdos who are ultra jealous and/or will make assumptions about how you got there (eg illegal means, inheritance). Even one of my kid’s sports coaches thinks he has life lessons he can teach my kid that I cannot. I try to avoid the subject of my retirement nowadays.

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@Leap1 consider doing what I did with my grandmother. Instead of giving her a lump sum, I gave her a generous birthday present every year ($500 in the 1990s was pretty generous).

The first year she donated it to charity. I scolded her and said, “If I wanted this to go to charity I would have donated it myself! In fact, I do donate to charity. I want you to spend this on luxuries you wouldn’t otherwise get, such as long-distance phone calls, airline tickets to visit loved ones, theater tickets, etc.”

After that she did enjoy the gifts.

It’s a matter of dopamine. Giving a single rose a dozen times gets more dopamine than a dozen roses given once.

Wendy

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Wendy,

My thinking is about financial collapse and what would happen to my sisters and me. I want to give my mother a lot of money. I want to self-insure my siblings against calamity. My mother, in turn, would leave it to the three of us.

Wendy, we can not get our mother to spend much. It would be safe with her. :winking_face_with_tongue:

Adding part of the premise is to gift my mother and sisters. None of them needs the money. If much later in life, one of my sisters needs the money, she has it.

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