My mother is 89 years old and lives alone in a house. …enjoys her life and has plenty of visitors…
May her happy situation continue.
DH & I intend to live independently into our 100’s. Some people do, why not us?
Of our 4 parents, 2 died somewhat suddenly, the other 2 had gradual declines into their 90’s. DH’s dad died at 93, after living with DH’s sister for a few years and then in a nursing home for the last few weeks. My dad is still chugging along at 96, having had aides visit his house starting when he was 90, then moving to Assisted Living (in a CCRC, but skipping the IL part) when he was 93.
Starting when they were in their mid-80’s, they gradually lost the ability to perform IADL’s; then ADL’s; but I feel own timeline will be better than theirs.
The catch is that Dad landed in AL after a crisis, and what I learned was that, if you ever need to go to AL, then either you choose the place yourself before you need it (which is smart, because the best places have waiting lists), or you take whatever’s available on short notice.
Are DH and I willing to gamble that we’ll never need AL? Realistically, we might compromise by moving to IL in a CCRC, and crossing fingers we never need to take the next step to AL. But at least, if AL is needed, it won’t be a mad scramble to find a place, and we’ll already be somewhere where we know people and have friends.
Of course, I’m crossing fingers that CCRC’s have improved since IP’s parents tried them.
And IP is correct that CCRC’s are not a magic wand. My sister not only visits Dad a couple times a week, bringing Depends, toiletries, snacks, and mail; but also takes him out to the dermatologist (who recently performed Mohs surgery successfully), the dentist, etc. Meanwhile, I handle Dad’s finances, ensuring that Sis, AL, the private duty aide, and the AL aide who freelances by taking care of Dad’s parakeets, all get paid; that taxes are filed, that denied claims are appealed to Medicare, etc. I often wonder: for people without family, who does all that?
Specifically: when DH & I select a CCRC, would it have to be near one of our children, so they can take us to doctors’ appointments? One of my friends is an RN who works in a doctor’s office, and reports that when aides bring patients in, the aides “are useless.” I think it’s better to have a family member who can understand what’s going on, and help with decisions. Having to stay close to our children would severely restrict us geographically when we hunt for a good CCRC.
I don’t consider in-home aides to be a good long-term solution, because somebody still has to manage them. I found that managing Dad’s in-home aides was far more onerous than managing his situation in AL. If it turns out that DH or I need an in-home aide, that will be a definite trigger to find a CCRC and move there ASAP, crossing fingers we still qualify for IL.