I can not shop at Costco anymore

Saw this joke on Quora.

{{ Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had an elephant?So because I’m retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. }}



We should bring back our humor board!!!

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We need to keep as much humor on METAR as possible as leavening for the grimness of economic analysis, death, and taxes!

THANK you so much intercst!

david fb

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I think I remember this very one from the former boards, too!

One of my favorites was the comedian Paul Lynde, who spent years on the old Hollywood Squares game show (a giant tic-tac-toe with quasi-has been celebrities in the squares answering questions).

The host Peter Marshall asked Paul Lynde a question one time, what are ‘dual purpose cows’?

PL responded: “they’re cows that give both milk and cookies [long pause] …but I wouldn’t recommend the cookies.”



Watch the credit roll-up at the end of the “Squares” eps. The “celebs” were provided with the correct answers, and the “bluff” answers, by the show’s writers.

Best line I saw, that might have been spontaneous, was when Johnny was doing his monologue, and it was not going well. Johnny turned and said something to Tommy, who was directing the band that night. Tommy did not respond at first, so Johnny repeated the comment. Tommy then removed his headset (used to communicate with the show’s director) and said “sorry, I was listening to the ball game”. Biggest laff of the night.