Kids planning a wedding in Los Angeles

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Our daughter is getting married in September or October next year, and the wedding will be in Los Angeles with around 100 guests. We’re happy to help with the expenses and have agreed to split the wedding venue costs (food/drinks included) with our future son-in-law’s parents.

They’re both wonderful people, and we’re all letting the couple choose out of hundreds of wedding venues in Los Angeles - no heavy-handed parental influence here. Of course, there is a budget to consider, but from what I see, plenty of options are in our price range. We are not the wealthiest people on the planet, and they have no fancy special requests, so it’s all good. (By the way, I had no idea how wide the range between affordable and expensive is, and also didn’t know you can find the venues listed with prices and everything and just use the filters to narrow down.) So I thought - great, half work is done.

However, planning a wedding today seems much more complicated than when my wife and I got married, or maybe it was just easier in our specific case. What do you think?

I spoke to the kids and asked what possible problems we’re looking at. For starters, apparently, getting everyone to RSVP is challenging. They’re expecting a few guests to be fashionably late with their responses, and they’re bracing themselves for some delicate conversations about plus-ones and whether kids are coming. To add to the mix, a couple of family members could be on better terms, so we’ll all need to figure out the seating arrangements carefully. Several guests will come from outside the States, so they must make some accommodation arrangements. And the list continues.

We, the parents, are keeping a sense of humor about the whole process, focusing on the joy of the occasion rather than the inevitable hiccups. After all, it’s their special day, and we’re just happy to support them as they plan their dream wedding. But they are already so stressed that I can’t imagine how it will be a year from now.

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Seemed an odd topic, but you sent while I was traveling.
Been 21 years for me, and outside of my buddy remarrying (and that was the 2nd marriage for both, so more low key) I haven’t done weddings since, as I was one of last of my friends to marry.

I just remember inviting people out of politics…my parents or her parents wanted XYZ to attend bc they were a childhood neighbor or distant cousin I never see. It was more for benefit of our parents, to be honest. So I would say you can reduce the pressure on them by making sure you are taking your egos out of it, and realizing it is their wedding. And hopefully the only one they ever have in this life. So if they want 10 people there or 100 or 200…maybe it could/should be their call. Regardless if the parents are helping to cover costs. You do so out of love, not for the right to issue tickets to the event to your friends, correct?

The other thing I would say, at least to the groom; don’t forget to enjoy yourself the day of the wedding. Your friends are cool with however little/much you talk to them…assuming most are also male, they get the wedding is usually catered to what the bride wants. The groom should just want it to go well…but on the actual day of the wedding, outsource the details to those you trust, so you can focus on the bride, be there in the moment for the bride, and enjoy the moment yourself. I spent too much time at my wedding playing “town mayor” to every friggin table at the venue…and, again, I didn’t even really want to invite all those people…our parents did! My wedding was fine. Just saying that if I could do it over again, those are the things that stand out to me.

A 3rd thing, and this is partly a matter of taste and partly tied to my point of enjoying yourselves in the moment; photography/video. I would opt for more candid photos of the action happening, vs an over-reliance on posed photos that take up a ton of time and honestly mostly look cheesy afterwards. I enjoy the photos of the natural and unaware smiles caught by the photographer operating in the background throughout the event more than the shots in front of the gazebo or his photo backdrop screen or me sitting on hood of the limo on the hottest day of July, trying not to sweat like crazy.

We had a husband of a cousin that offered to be a videographer…ran around to each table during the reception and got the folks there to say hi/congrats to the video camera, took amateur video of the best man speeches and first dances and the general ceremony highlights. That is really helpful and a nice time capsule to look at 15-20-30 years down the line.

And RSVP’s are challenging. Maybe designate that particularly tough sibling of the bride or groom, to go after the stragglers, so that the bride/groom don’t have to deal with the stress of chasing people down.

Hope it is a great wedding, and congrats!
Dreamer

ps…the reason I say “for the groom” to enjoy themselves, is I have learned through life that you can’t always tell the bride, and women in general, to not stress about something and just enjoy themselves. They don’t find it terribly helpful. Something about mansplaining… :slight_smile:

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I have 2 weddings to go to this year, maybe due to having friends 10 to 20 years younger than myself. In Singapore but also think it is common in a lot of Asian countries, the posed photos are all done way before the wedding. You can always see the couples out in public around landmarks or the beach, dressed up and posing. Those posed photos will usually play as a back drop during dinner. They also usually put together another montage of photos. Starting with baby picture of the bride and progress growing up over the years until before she met her hubby, then they similar for the groom… then continue to after they met as a couple… So you watch them grow up individually and develop as a couple.

Most the phots and videos are usually taken in the background when you are not aware.

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Thank you both so much for participating and sharing your thoughts here. Very insightful, I will take a few notes to forward to the kids.