OK, let’s see if I have this straight ………
It’s good to exercise, but I should only do it in the afternoon so I live longer.
I have to give up red meat for my health but if I eat too many blueberries I’ll OD on potassium.
I can’t be a sedentary couch potato and binge watch The Extraordinary Attorney Woo because my Apple Watch keeps reminding me to get up and walk.
I need to drink lots of water to keep my kidney healthy (yes, I envy you 2-kidney beings) and also need to get at least 8 hours of sleep, which I can’t do because I drink too much water and have to get up and pee.
I have to eat a Mediterranean diet to live longer and avoid processed food even though that bag of crunchy Cheetos looks awfully tempting.
Smoking illegal Cuban cigars relaxes me, which helps me live longer while killing me at the same time. But if I lift weights while smoking an illegal Cuban cigar, maybe the weights and relaxing will offset the smoke.
I wear hearing aids to avoid not hearing and getting Alzheimer’s except I keep forgetting to put them in because I’m incorrectly exercising in the morning.
I have to do puzzles to keep dementia at bay but I keep forgetting to get new puzzles because I’m binge watching The Extraordinary Attorney Woo.
I eat dark chocolate daily because it’s healthy even though it contains lead and cadmium which will kill me.
I need to drink a little alcohol daily for my health but if I drink too much it will kill me. I have no idea how much is too much and how much is too little. Thankfully, my Apple Watch keeps interrupting me so I can’t drink too much. But I’m not doing enough puzzles so I may forget to drink too little.
I’m sure I’ve forgotten something (because I’m not keeping my mind active doing puzzles or wearing my hearing aids).
I’m living longer but I’m not sure I’m enjoying it. 