That is the ideal. Doesn’t work out that way sometimes.
My dad got married a second time, around 71. Before the marriage, dad was always talking about how Peg’s dad was a millionaire, made a pile in oil around Edmonton, bought a new Lincoln every year, because he could. When they married, dad mentioned he had opened joint accounts for them, the traditional thing for married people to do. After the marriage, dad was always talking about how spendy Peg was, burning through his money, before he could, as well as burning through her own. I laffed. He thought he was marrying money, but married a worse spendthrift than himself. The marriage lasted a year. In getting his estate settled, I was in contact with a couple of his nieces and nephews. None of them knew that he had been married a second time.
Joint accounts may be OK when both people are young, and don’t really have any assets. When the girl at work attacked me for my comment about pre-nups, I was about 50, and the IRA was well into six figures. I had assets that could be taken, and I was too old to start over, after being cleaned out by a gold digger.
Yes, the novel in 56, the original film in 57. A sequel book and film, a few years later. Then the TV series started, around 64. I never watched the TV series. I do remember watching the two movies. In the movie, Lloyd Nolan played the doctor. I remember a comment that, in a small town, like that, the doc knows everything.
I could have never married someone who didn’t have a value set of mind like I do when spending money. Wouldn’t have respected him. Frankly one of our biggest problems is that we are both resistant to spending. We are working on that
We were in our 30’s when we got married, both with houses that we quickly put in each other’s names, turning his into a rental that I managed. On accounts that we can’t hold jointly, like retirement accounts, we are jointly authorized on the accounts. I can’t disburse funds from them, by law, but I can see and invest them.
Yup. This is my second marriage. I learned a lot about spouse selection after the first, including someone having a degree in finance from an Ivy League school doesn’t mean they know a thing about personal spending, though that’s not the reason I ditched him. There won’t be a third.
The laffer about my dad’s second marriage was that dad always put on a big show, throwing a lot of money around. I bet that, while dad was looking at Peg’s dad’s bankroll, Peg thought she was marring money. When dad died, I was talking with some of his neighbors. They all said they couldn’t believe he died hip deep in debt. Everyone thought he was pretty well set, by the way he threw money around. There are flox of gold diggers around. I never got so much, as I did in the late 70s. When I said “I’m a college graduate with a white collar job”, I could hear the cash register ring.
I just look at the disasters around me. It’s astounding how many people bow to societal pressure and get married, just because they are “supposed to be married”. One guy at work was frequently arguing over the phone with his wife. I asked him one day how he could stand all the conflict in his life. He said “it’s better than being alone”. I would not agree with that.
Couldn’t agree with you more here. While being married to the right person is high on the list of best things on earth, married to the wrong one is one of the worst. It’s like having kids. Make sure you really want them.
For sure, what works for us doesn’t work for everyone.
No matter if finances are shared or not, people who make a poor decision in choosing a partner will suffer some sort of consequence. I suppose financial ruin may not be one of them.
Choosing carefully thoughtfully with no extra pressure from oopsie pregnancy or the like is one of the most critical lessons young adults need to learn and mostly do not.
Pressure from your parents. Pressure from your school. Pressure from your church. Pressure from your peers. USian culture conspires against a measured, thoughtful, approach.
So, on the subject of joint vs. separate accounts, the albatross agrees…with all sides. I’ve no idea of their financial arrangements in the early years of their relationship/marriage but, come the time of initial separation, he had both their joint account and a few in his name alone where he’d been stashing the business funds he was embezzling (his “Lester Piggott” accounts…I think I’ve explained that previously) How he was also able to hide his extreme profligate spending habits. Well, a lot of them…others appeared in the hospital accounts and credit cards he’d opened under the business name. “Unusual transactions” per the forensic accountant.
Although, I had reservations of his suitability from the get-go, I never imagined the depths of malice and pure evil (not often you can apply that to someone without it being hyperbole) this Plague Sore could descend to. I think I would still be as surprised even if we’d been forewarned by an earlier background check.
For all of this…and it’s the subject of a separate civil suit…what’s ultimately drained the exchequer for my daughter and almost bankrupted the business are the legal fees racked up by these pettyfogging shysters. Divorce law has to be the ultimate gravy boat.
