I think you can possibly pre-nup against having to pay his debts. But in all honesty, it sounds like you’d be better off financially in a domestic partner relationship (meaning “don’t get married”). In fact, to be more blunt, it sounds like getting married is taking a huge financial risk. I can’t see what getting married adds, other than some traditional psychological value. But I can see a lot of potential financial harm that can come from getting married. I don’t think you can pre-nup out of long-term-care (“nursing home”) expenses. I’m happy you two found each other but taking on his financial risk doesn’t seem prudent, based on what you posted.
Daryll44:
I value and appreciate your blunt, honest opinion. I am planning to meet with an attorney about estate planning and elder care issues.
You’re doing the right thing consulting an estate planning attorney.
I am not an expert by any means. I’m aware that laws for prenups, and as they apply to Medicaid (state-run program), can vary. I also should have mentioned simple cohabitation, as AJ mentioned. The laws around that can vary as well. Your attorney will give you much better advice than I could.
And on a personal note, I credit you with thinking with your head instead of your heart. I know it’s difficult when you’re in love. Pragmatism can go out the window.
And on a personal note, I credit you with thinking with your head instead of your heart. I know it’s difficult when you’re in love. Pragmatism can go out the window.
There is a lot of emotional stuff here. We have been dating for over 13 years. He proposed to me Christmas morning 2020. My father was on home hospice. That day, my brain was thinking about the logistics of having limited family over in shifts and serving more than one holiday meal due to Covid restrictions. I was so sad that my father wouldn’t see some of his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren that day. I just wanted my dying father to have the best last Christmas ever, despite Covid. My father was ecstatic about the proposal, because he had become so close to my fiance in his last years. My father died peacefully 10 days later.
The timing of this proposal was not all about emotion, however. One of the reasons for not marrying earlier is that my assets would have lowered college financial aid for his children. We have previously spoken a little about a pre-nup, so that won’t be a new discussion. He is not crazy about the idea, but he does understand. If we were to divorce in the state of PA, I would leave the marriage with my pre-marital assets and the inheritance from my father, but it’s still safer to spell it all out in a pre-nup.
I would like to get educated about hybrid life insurance/long term care options. Maybe something like that would allow me to shelter enough money for my long term care and stay married. I don’t care if I die with assets, I would just prefer to be in the facility of my choice rather than the county home.
I am still hoping to find a way to get married and make it work. I will let my attorney spell out the options. At the very least, I need to update my will and power of attorney documents, whether we marry or not. I want to do what is best for both of us. I want to take care of him, if necessary, but not at the expense of my own future care.
One of the things that you stated in your OP was about taking on debt from your future husband. I think I read that correctly - if not, then maybe this does not apply.
My BIL passed away a couple of years ago and my SIL had no idea how much he had been spending on various lines of credit - mostly retail charge cards and other credit cards. All of these accounts were in his name ONLY.
When he passed away, the debt collectors started to harass my SIL about paying those bills. Unfortunately for the creditors, she had absolutely no obligation to pay the debts that were incurred by her husband and her lawyer told them all to go “you know where”.
In MA, a spouse who is NOT named on a credit account is NOT responsible to pay down the debts of a deceased spouse.
38Packard: "My BIL passed away a couple of years ago and my SIL had no idea how much he had been spending on various lines of credit - mostly retail charge cards and other credit cards. All of these accounts were in his name ONLY.
When he passed away, the debt collectors started to harass my SIL about paying those bills. Unfortunately for the creditors, she had absolutely no obligation to pay the debts that were incurred by her husband and her lawyer told them all to go “you know where”.
In MA, a spouse who is NOT named on a credit account is NOT responsible to pay down the debts of a deceased spouse."
A spouse may not be legally obligated to pay the debts of the deceased spouse, but the creditors may make claims against he deceased’s estate, which sometimes has the practical effect of forcing payment because the survivor wants items that are in the estate and does not want such items subject to forced sale to pay debts of the estate.