I just finished a trip with my family to take my parents to see my last surviving aunt and uncle. My parents are doing well and living independently and productively in their mid to late 80s. So my siblings and I aren’t really doing anything other than staying in touch and enjoying the time we have with them. But our aunt and uncle aren’t doing so well.
We started by visiting my uncle in southern Arizona. He is dealing with Alzheimer’s. He’s at the point where he is aware of his diagnosis and is coping - some days better than others. He has given up driving, as it became too easy to get lost. *** He’s a little more than a year older than my dad - his youngest brother. They are the last of 5 still surviving. His daughter and her husband (and one of their children) live very near by. Daughter (my first cousin, if you’re trying to keep track) is retired and does the heavy lifting of managing his care. For now, that’s a care giver who comes in a few hours a day to check on his well-being and make sure he has eaten meals. For now, he’s still capable of fixing up a simple breakfast or a sandwich for lunch. I think she takes care of dinner - at least when my cousin doesn’t take him to her house or out to a restaurant for dinner. Care giver also make sure the mail gets brought in and important things don’t end up in the trash. My cousin has taken over bill paying, as he has overlooked too many.
All in all, things are going well there, and it was great to make sure these two elder statesmen of the family got some time to visit each other. I didn’t get into the details of finances, but between my Uncle’s government pension and my cousin’s business success, I’m sure he will be well taken care of as this terrible affliction progresses.
*** Funny event happened while there - he was in the car with my dad and pointed to another car, saying, “Hey, that’s my car!” Well he sold his car several months ago. Clearly, he didn’t recall that. But on the funny side, it really WAS his car. It had the University of Arizona sticker right where he put it. The car was sold to someone in town. And being a relatively small town, coming across it at some point is not surprising.
From southern AZ, it was on to northern AZ to visit my mother’s sister. She’s about 5 years older than my mother (that puts her in her early 90s), and not doing very well. She just moved into assisted living a few days before we arrived. She can walk a little bit, but is prone to falls. She also has macular degeneration. The toughest bit is aphasia - mainly in her ability to formulate words and speak. See seems to understand spoken words pretty well. I’m sure she understands most of what is happening around her. She had the biggest smile you can imagine when my mom walked into her room - they hadn’t seen each other in almost 3 years. And that’s pretty tough for two sisters who talked on the phone almost every week for the last few decades.
Until the move to assisted living, she had been living with her son (yes, another cousin) for 5 or 6 years. Her son and his wife have done yeoman’s duty taking care of her and trying to keep her in their home, but her needs have simply become too great for them to handle. She needs daily supervision, and they need a life outside of hands on caregiving.
As for my parents, we are still on watchful waiting. After spending a week with him more-or-less full time, I can see my dad getting a bit confused from time to time. It’s mostly from his hearing loss - fairly age appropriate, I suppose. He doesn’t like his hearing aids, so often won’t wear them. So he doesn’t always understand what people are saying to him. But there’s also a bit more, as he would occasionally have some trouble with restaurant menus. Some confusion at advanced ages is not unusual. The world is moving by at full speed, while their internal mental processes are moving a bit slower. But we (my siblings and I) are keeping an eye out for changes. We had a couple chances during the week to compare notes and talk about the future. None of this is easy, but it’s hard to ignore when you’re seeing it play out in real time in their siblings (our aunt and uncle).
All in all, a good trip, with lots of visiting time with family - and a bit of sightseeing along the way. We saw the Dodgers play the Diamondbacks in Phoenix along the way - great fun for all, and especially my son and brother - the two BIG Dodger fans. Got home and back safely, with no problems at all. And I got a bit of a break from some of the daily pressure of my own caregiving, as the rest of the family pitched in with my son.
–Peter
Plus she has to live with him on a daily basis.