WAHURL...

That Head of Yours…
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Expert Witness…
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Parking Location…
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Using Discord…
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Expert Witness…

They cut off the article. Maybe I can find it through a search for the county.

Parking Location…

That’s a 1959 Chevy. My folks had one so that was my first car to drive.

AC never heard it described like that before

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OK, I’ll be trying to post in this one thread, for HURL reasons. Some phunnies will get their own thread… but it will be, well… I don’t know… but some will…

ww.ok.confusedyet.pl/LOL/

This isn’t funny anymore Sharon…
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That S got hot as he!!..
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This is an injustice…
https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatsWrongWithYourDog/comments/ucg8…

I am a blanket…
https://i.redd.it/mqfoaygtntv81.jpg

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Todays Toons…

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Medieval…

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Silly melon buyers :slight_smile:

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How to Sing the Blues…

If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:

  1. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning…”

  2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”

  3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes - sort of: “Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound.”

  4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch…ain’t no way out.

  5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

  6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

  7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and “Nawlins” are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don’t get rain.

  8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a gator be chomping on it is.

  9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

  10. Good places for the Blues:
    a. highway
    b. jailhouse
    c. empty bed
    d. bottom of a whiskey glass

  11. Bad places for the Blues:
    a. Nordstrom’s
    b. gallery openings
    c. Ivy League institutions
    d. golf courses

  12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

  13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
    a. you’re older than dirt
    b. you’re blind
    c. you shot a man in Memphis
    d. you can’t be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

  1. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

  2. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
    a. cheap wine
    b. whiskey or bourbon
    c. muddy water
    d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

  1. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

  2. Some Blues names for women:
    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mama
    c. Bessie
    d. Fat River Dumpling

  3. Some Blues names for men:
    a. Joe
    b. Willie
    c. Little Willie
    d. Big Willie

  4. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

  5. Blues Name Starter Kit:
    a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
    b. first name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Peach, etc.)
    c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
    For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Pegleg Cherry Johnson or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.

  6. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.

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5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

I would say that Infinitis, Acuras, and Lexus are also out. But surprisingly Mercedes Benz is included.

6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

Obviously you have never heard of Jonny Lang. https://youtu.be/3tigVYfHVmQ He recorded his first album when he was fifteen.

12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

Ummm, Jake and Elwood?

Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues.

Agreed. He can do anything he wants and apparently people will forgive and forget.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

I would argue that Malt Liquor 40 oz. should also be included.

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

You forgot Britney. And I don’t care what she’s been through, she cannot sing Blues.

AC JMO

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The rules are the same…

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/205342319_2…

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100 years ago…

100 years ago everyone owned a horse
and only the rich had cars.

Today everyone has a car
and only the rich own horses.

The stables have turned…

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Mornin’…

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Dog Logic…
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Smokey, Oreo, and Jennifer…
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Celsius…
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I’ve Got a Secret was a fun celebrity game show from back when entertainment mattered more than winning, and rules were mere suggestions. By 1954, the celebrity panel couldn’t expect Harpo Marx to look as young as he did in the movies, and Chico knew Harpo well enough to totally embody his persona. What’s funny is that Chico keeps forgetting how many beeps mean “yes” and how many mean “no.” A good time was had by all.
https://youtu.be/rd_AYYea2ZU

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What’s funny is that Chico keeps forgetting how many beeps mean “yes” and how many mean “no.”

I found it odd that the prize was a carton of cigarettes.

AC hopes he got the money too

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Toons…

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The first and the last have a commonality.

AC jes sayin’

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Ancestors…
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Swordfish…
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Accurate Yet Imprecise…
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What on earth is in my attic???
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Remember when???
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Dad’s got jokes…
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This board is for investment purposes only. :). Humor investment….here’s an example:

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/173/720/129…

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Hahahaha… nice!

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Ulterior Motive…
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Shirley…
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How does this work?
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MAD…
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Where?
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In what language?
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