it had to happen sooner or later

He woke up before me today and peed in the wicker waste basket in front of the small table between our recliners in the den. I was thinking I’d wash it well, but since I can’t use it any more for fear of a repeat, maybe just toss it with next week’s trash. It’s kind of cold to wash it and leave it in the sun to dry as it’s in the 30s.

The lap blanket I keep on my recliner was hanging off it onto the floor and soaked up some of the pee so that’s getting washed now. Of course I cleaned the floor and then Windexed it.

It’s not a surprise he’s waking up before me. He’s been falling asleep around 6:30pm, getting up a couple of times to pee (~11, ~4), and getting up for the day around 6am. I’ve been falling asleep around 11:30 and waking up 7-7:30, occasionally even later.

Hard to be mad at him, he’s all smiles! I made one of his fave breakfasts–Indian cereal (corn meal mush w/ground flax seeds, toasted sunflower seeds, cream and maple syrup-).

Someone posted somewhere recently that “motion is lotion.” I was going to reply “up to a point-”! I’m getting a lot of bending motion lately. My back’s getting stronger and knees are holding up, but the muscles/tendons around my right hip are getting awfully cranky :-/

In reading about his pee problems re dementia, I ran across a description of middle stage and advanced dementia symptoms.

The middle stages of dementia are when anger and aggression are most likely to start occurring as symptoms, along with other worrying habits like wandering, hoarding, and compulsive behaviors that may seem unusual.

I’ve noticed he’s become less angry/aggressive/hoarding/wandering/compulsive–signs of the middle stage–but having trouble peeing in a toilet, sign of advanced stage.

In most types of dementia (not just Alzheimer’s disease, but also vascular, frontotemporal, Lewy body and others) these issues develop in the mid-to-later stages. You might see aggression spike at the same time as the person starts needing more hands-on help with activities of daily living (ADLs) like getting dressed and eating.

In the hubster’s case, the aggression came long before the need for help with ADLs. He still needs no help eating, although I usually cut his meat when I put it on his plate. But he can do it when I don’t.…

This morning I was unable to get him into the shower (but it’s only day 4 ;-), but was able to get off his shirt and tee (he slept in his clothes-) --about 5 minutes in between(!) and use a washcloth to wash his face, pits, chest and shoulders–and that’s as far as he let me. Also I put on his deodorant (Schmidt sandalwood–very masculine scent :wink: Then he brushed his teeth and shaved himself (yay, I had to shave him yesterday, and I suck-). Finally got him to change his underpants. I tried to do a quick bum wash, but nuthin’ doin’! At least he’s wearing fresh underpants and jeans.

Then I made the mistake of cutting his nails. I nicked the quick on the first nail and he bled a lot :frowning: I normally wait till he showers when nails re softest but forgot to last shower and they are getting long (I’ve never seen him with nails as long as lately-). That was quite a while ago and he’s still got the paper towel wrapped around it and won;t let me look/change the towel/put on a band-aid.

I just looked over and smiled at him. He held up his wrapped thumb and smirked back. Sense of humor?!

Anyhoo, while he nursed his thumb, I washed the wicker waste basket and put it on the driveway in the sun to dry. And since the garbage truck hasn’t come around yet, add the almost-empty trash bag with urine-soaked paper towels. So the garage won’t smell like the monkey house at the zoo this week. Unless this happens again.

I forgot about the basket in the driveway, backed over and crushed it . My memory is like this. I never forget why I went into a room like other people do, but I’ll forget something I’ve done a few hours ago, even if it has an impact.

I remember buying this basket in 1994 after purchasing new bedding. It was always on my bedside to catch all the tissues I used due to allergies/illness. I bought my lap blanket at the same time in the same store. Which reminds me that it’s been moldering in the washer and i need to put it in the dryer…

A spooky force had it in for that basket…first the hubster & his pee, then me & my car!!

In other news, the necessary Honda part arrived so my car heater can be repaired on Friday. Let’s hope I don’t crush anything else meanwhile…

In your defense, it isn’t your memory specifically. You have SO MUCH going one that it is natural to forget things. They get lost in the shuffle, especially when he can be so unpredictable. I would imagine you forgot a lot of stuff when you had toddlers in the house. Well, he’s a 6’ tall toddler.



Keep taking care of you while you also take care of him. Perhaps a heating pad for the cranky hip, if you haven’t. And if you have time for a bath after he goes to bed, some epsom salts in the mix are always soothing. I know you know all this and many other ways to help aches and pains. I mention it just to jog your brain to think through what works best for you.

ThyPeace, also, good work on the decluttering! Next time, though, you don’t really have to run it over to convince yourself to get rid of something. :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:


He woke up before me today and peed in the wicker waste basket in front of the small table between our recliners in the den.

I would get something to keep in the bedroom, in his field of vision, that he would safely use as an “alternative” toilet when you’re still asleep. Either a tall, wide plastic waste basket, or a bedside commode. He’d have the visual cues that he connects with right in his field of view as soon as he gets out of bed. Amazon has a bedside commode for less than $40:…


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That was quite a while ago and he’s still got the paper towel wrapped around it and won;t let me look/change the towel/put on a band-aid.

Did you hold up the box of bandaids and point to his finger, or hold them by his finger, and take one out? Also—once you’re able to put a bandaid on it, put a tiny dab of the neem salve on it first. It’ll heal more quickly and with less irritation.


I was thinking plastic bags in all trash cans. Do you think it’s “visual cues”? He seems to be going to the kitchen garbage a lot, even though he isn’t in the kitchen cooking. It’s almost like he seeks it out (when he’s downstairs??). I think the basket was a new thing, until alstro ran it over. :slight_smile:

He did finally let me take care of his finger. I wash it once or twice a day, give it fresh ointment and a fresh bandage. It’s healing well.

He doesn’t understand what many items are for any more. I have to put his toothbrush in his hand–just showing it to him doesn’t get him to brush his teeth. Even that isn’t enugh sometimes–I have to get him to open his mouth and I put it in and turn it on. And he uses a toothbrush every day. Bandages are very rare experiences for him.

No room to put a commode in the bedroom on his side of the bed, and it wouldn’t help (I have one–bought it for my mother when she lived with us after breaking her hip. She wouldn’t use it in her bedroom but her OT set it up as a frame over the guest room toilet. I used it as a master toilet frame for 6 months after breaking my leg. It’s in my garage along with the other “gimp stuff”–walkers, wheelchair.

He didn’t wake up and go pee in the den. He heads into the master bath, where I keep the light on all night in the toilet room–the only light on in the house at night. He woke up, wandered the house, sat in the den, and peed in the wastebasket some time after. He’s tried it when we were both sitting in the den in the daytime.

Taking a bath sounds like a lot of work! I’ve taken maybe half a dozen baths in my entire adult life.

when he’s downstairs??

We’re all one floor except for a FROG (free room over garage) which is set up like a family room with a big tv. We never use it any more. My grandchildren sleep there on blow-up beds when they visit. My elder brother practices up there when he visits. I try to remember to go up once a week to flush the toilet in the half bath I had put in in the closet. I usually forget.