just a matter of time

Personal Finances Taking Care of Parents
1

He just woke me up standing next to his side of the bed and peeing onto it. I stopped him from trying this once before recently. He got back in on my side while I was at the washing machine…

Alas, I didn’t realize he got the top sheet and quilt wet also until after I’d put the bottom sheet and protective pad on his side into the washer on a rinse cycle, which can’t be interrupted. SO I’ll have to do 2 more rinse cycles (nothing can fit in the machine with the quilt) before I wash all. Luckily I don;t need to do any other wash today as the oast 3 days have seen the towels, gentles (mine) and his wash loads done. Meanwhile I got him back into bed on the bed pad with a blanket over him. I’m in the den to be close to the washer and deal. Plus my computer was running out of gas and the only power supply is in the den.

It could’ve been worse–at least it happened at 4am and not earlier.

Anyhow, last night was weird. He fell asleep as usual in his recliner after dinner, but I was unable to wake him up after several tries before I went to sleep for the night. I woke up to his chair creaking when he got up and found him peeing in the hall outside the den. Then it was devilishly hard to get him to get into bed and go to sleep. At least 30, 45 minutes of him puttering around the bedroom while I tried to go back to sleep.

Meanwhile…this past week had numerous appointments including his PCP and neurologist. Because of the difficulty doing blood work on him (he now struggles against getting punctured), we probably won’t do any more blood tests ever. So we won’t know if he’s developing diabetes or spiking potassium again or anything else that you learn about via blood tests. And unless he moans and points to a body part, has a fever/racing heart/low O2, we’ll have little to no clue when something’s wrong with him. It sure can be hard to give a dementia patient medical care, even when you wish to! As you might recall, we can no longer get any kind of imaging (he won’t keep still and can’t take ativan)–not even dental bite-wings, which he spits right out.

huh…he’s sound asleep. Me? I’m awake for the day. Nothing like an adrenaline rush!

I’m supposed to be tapering him off olanzapine and switching to Depokote. But the dr was able to refill olanzapine, at a somewhat higher cost to me. Bad timing to change things as the grandkids are coming Easter week. Anyhow, once we get the cray-cray drugs sorted, we’re gonna try him on a sleeping med. Low dose which I plan to give the first time he wakes up to pee (I’m usually still awake then) in hopes it’ll keep him asleep till 7-8am (so 10-midnight to 7-8am). But I don’t want him to pee so much in his Depends that he overflows and I have to wash bedding every morning. WIll need to switch to heftier night Depends.

It’s all too bad coz yesterday was actually pretty good otherwise. No problem at all undressing and showering him by myself. He even brushed his own teeth with the electric toothbrush. And stood very still for my shaving him with a safety razor (so far, no nicks!). And behaved while picking up his prescriptions and while I gassed up the car (luckily only needed about once every 5 weeks). Except he did try to pee against the cashier counter at the drug store so they let me take him to the employee’s bathroom(!). It’s a small local pharmacy and everyone wo]ho works there knows us now.

Is it my imagination or is there an aura of urine in the air? I should have the cleaning ladies come twice a month. Maybe I’ll give up cable except for internet…he never watches anyway. I could do Roku or something…

PS–Can’t he be a normal geezer and just pee in his Depends?!? I bought 2 pkgs at Walmart the other day, one with tabs in case he won’t let me take off pants/pj’s to change them (I can tear them down the sides to remove, but putting on a fresh Depends when he won’t take off pants is something else-).

I wonder if any of this makes sense…haven’t even had coffee yet…

Oh. He’s now seeing the neurologist ona quarterly basis. And the neurologist now comes into the office in my town again so I don’t need to go to a big facility in downtown Charleston for his neuro appts (he temporarily wasn;t doiung that during the pandemic…not that it;s really over yet, but, things are more or less “back to normal” around here. I rarely see masks outside of medical facilities).

PPS–When I was trying to take him to his neuro appt on Wed, my car wouldn’t start. Luckily AAA got there fast enough that we walked into the waiting room about 2 minutes before appt time (I left a lot of extra time as I had forgotten the appt was local instead of downtown!). Anyhow, my car battery is 4 years old so I made an appt to replace at my usual service garage on Monday when the aide is here.

2 Likes
2

So things are looking up. I finally fell asleep listening to a podcast. Must’ve been 7:15. He woke me up at 7:30, hungry. So I fixed him coffee, pomegranate juice, and a bowl of raisin bran. He took his monring meds and fell back asleep. Woke up at 8 or so needing a toilet. I helped him to the bathroom, where he clearly wanted to sit. Yup, a poo. Wiped himself, Sort of. Not stressing since he’s wearing Depends. He walked back to his recliner and is fast asleep. I’ll get him washed up and dressed (re-dressed as he slept in his clothes last night-) when he wakes.

Now I ask you, is that fair?! He’s gotten like 12 hours of sleep in the last 13/14 hrs, and I’ve gotten maybe 4 hours. I can hardly wait to run those sleep med experiments!

I need a treat. Maybe I’ll get takeout lunch from WHole Foods. I wish they carried sugar-free desserts. They’ve got vegan and gluten-free, but no sugar-free. I guess they don’t know that sugar is worse for most people (esp old people) than gluten or animal products.

1 Like
3

…sleeping med. … But I don’t want him to pee so much in his Depends that he overflows and I have to wash bedding every morning.

Personally, if I had to choose between a good night’s sleep and dry sheets, I’d take the sleep.
Maybe your regular cleaning crew can swing by for a half hour each day, mid-morning, to change the bedding. Then all you’d have to do is move things from the washer to the dryer.
If it comes to that. If the nighttime Depends do the job, great!

(Assuming, of course, that you have two sets. I have one set, which I wash & dry and put back on the bed, so I don’t have to fold or store it, but I suspect I’m in the minority.)

4

Is it my imagination or is there an aura of urine in the air?

Probably not your imagination.

Once upon a time I delivered pizzas. I could often smell a house with a baby. Walking up to the door there was an odor of rotten milk. Probably a combination of things including diaper remnants. Invariably, when the door was opened there was a baby somewhere visible.

His aroma is probably starting to do the same to your house.

As for ROKU, you have to subscribe to most services. But if you do, I highly recommend it. We’ve “cut the cable”, except for landline and internet. We stream everything via the ROKU. Hulu is free (the ad version…there’s a premium that is ad-free, but you pay). Peacock is free. I believe PBS is free. Some others. If you have Amazon Prime, then Amazon TV is free.

5

There are plenty of free subscriptions besides the ones you recommend. I have those as well but cancelled Hulu over a year ago because they wanted me to pay $6/month when I had been paying $1/month. I am just about ready to cancel Netflix which is my only one I pay for. They have some interesting shows but lots of crummy ones that don’t interest me.

6

(((alstroemeria)))

1 Like
7

"I need a treat. Maybe I’ll get takeout lunch from WHole Foods. I wish they carried sugar-free desserts. They’ve got vegan and gluten-free, but no sugar-free. I guess they don’t know that sugar is worse for most people (esp old people) than gluten or animal products. "

The groceries round here have had black and red plums on sale. They have been wonderful
every so often the past two weeks.
Strawberries have also started to go on sale - as well as blackberries and raspberries.
A low-sugar/low fat vanilla yogurt blended with the fruit makes a treat worth working at
making the blend.

Howie52
Most sugar-free desserts use either sugar alcohols or sugar substitutes - which other than stevia
and some such need to be used cautiously from what I read. Carbohydrates can still be off-the-
charts even with low or no sugar - and the carbohydrates are what can getcha.

4 Likes
8

Until my most recent set of new sheets, I generally only had one set, but I have 2 now (older set kinda shabby). I didn’t bother remaking the whole bed at 4am though. Just pulled off the wet stuff and let the hubster fall asleep on the mattress pad and covered him with a blanket. I did order a second mattress protector. One that goes all the way across and tucks in on both sides–the kidn I got for my mother, but she took it with her to AL. I will try putting it on top of the sheet. The reason I didn’t before was that DH likes to mess around with the bedding and I didn’t want to give him a new and interesting item to mess with.

When I got him washed & dressed this morning, I found his Depends were wet so at some point he peed in them. Does the fact that it was warm mean it had happened recently? I don’t know enough about such things but will undoubtedly be learning soon. I tore them off but he refused to let me remove his jeans (he went to bed in the clothes again last night). I put one of the tabbed Depends on him for the first time. They have lots of absorbent stuff, but the legs are loose so I ca picture leaking around them. If I make them tighter around his waist, he won’t be able to pull himself out to pee (since he still doesn’t deliberately pee in them as far as I know). Now he keeps doing/undoing his pants–I think these aren’t as comfortable. They were also hard to put on with him standing up with a t-shirt on (in the way). I imagine they’re designed for someone lying down, like diapering a baby. Ah–I just undressed him for the night. Although he just peed in the toilet he had peed in the Depends at some point during the day. Perhaps he;s transitioning.

At least I got a shower while he napped this morning (he was awake when I got back to the den–perhaps he peed then–which sure beats making a floor puddle).

We went to Whole Foods this morning and got sushi for lunch (he didn;t finish his share–first time). We took a neighborhood walk this afternoon and finally met a new neighbor diagonally across the street. They moved into the last house built in the nabe last year. The husband of the woman who sent me that nice note. Now I have both names and a phone number :slight_smile: They have offered to be of help.

I don’t think I could leave him with anyone inexperienced with dementia at this point. Unless I had a personal health emergency like I needed to go to the ER myself (like when I broke my leg).

He peed in today’s depends. It didn’t leak onto his jeans (I don’t think). But the tabbed ones are harder for him to deal with for peeing in a toilet. I’m on a learning curve.

I aired out my house for an hour or two today. No more urine smell :slight_smile: I was afraid I missed a puddle somewhere, but I think not.

It took awhile, but I got him into frehs Depends and pj;s for the night. He;s been sound asleep since abut 5:30. Which means he’ll probably be up at 4 :frowning: I can;t make him nap more in the daytime so he’ll stay up later in the evening. This is his circadian rhythm thse days. Alas, mine wants to be ~11pm-7am.

1 Like
9

My only issue dealing with bedding is putting on the fitted corners on the headboard end (well, plus doing it at 4am-). There are dressers on both sides so an awkward reach that stresses my rotator cuff. The hubster used to do it. Anyhow, I’ve been washing the bedding when the aide comes and she puts the fitted sheet on for me (and everything else if I wish). The bigger across-the-bed waterproof pad arrived this evening. I’ll put it on the bed tomorrow and hope he doesn’t become fascinated and mess with it.

I suspect he’s beginning to transition to peeing in Depends. Then I’ll need to determine how often to check/change him. As long as he cooperates–easy peasy. If not…ugh. Since he isn’t bed-ridden, I don’t need to worry much about skin breakdowns (yet). He lets me wash his crotch/bum every morning with a warm wet washcloth. Plus he gets a good soap-up and gentle scrub in the shower.

I doubt the cleaning crew could come more than once or twice a week even if I wished it.

1 Like
10

Yes, warm urine means it was just done. I see him peeing in the Depends as a very good thing. I recall when you said he refused to pee in them. Whether you get hubster to get in pajamas before going to bed isn’t important. It was hard to get my dad to change into pajamas (he had late stage Dementia) so I quit fighting that battle. His last year my dad would decide he wanted to get out of his clothes while sitting on his recliner. He didn’t care who was in the room and would work to get his underwear off. That can be a little upsetting for those present. Unfortunately he ended up peeing/soaking his recliner a few times even when he was dressed. That happened a few times and it was an expense to get it professionally cleaned and dried. I made sure under pads were on the recliner from them on.

I had a full-sized waterproof mattress pad put on his bed. It was the zippered kind where you slip the whole mattress in so it is fully enclosed. After that I used a thicker mattress pad for added comfort and then put on the sheets. The second mattress pad made it so you don’t hear the plastic shifting and making sheets get hot. My dad did wear Depends to bed so I didn’t have to put an under pad on the bed as well.

You hadn’t posted for several days so I was hoping nothing dire happened. So glad that it didn’t but their topsy-turvy time schedule can sure do you in. My dad has his days and nights turned around.

Robyn

3 Likes
11

Howie:Strawberries have also started to go on sale - as well as blackberries and raspberries.

One of the things I miss most about selling our house to move into a retirement home is my garden. I had a 3’X20’ strawberry patch which gave me strawberries most if the year (November to January excepted.)

CNC
… OK, Southern California does have its good points.

2 Likes
12

"One of the things I miss most about selling our house to move into a retirement home is my garden. I had a 3’X20’ strawberry patch which gave me strawberries most if the year (November to January excepted.)

CNC
… OK, Southern California does have its good points."

Until the last couple years I tried to get a small vegetable garden going - usually green
peppers - but since I retired I have not had time to do much - and this year the hospital
stays for me and then immediately after for DW have me really tired and worn out.
Luckily, strawberry season starts to the south of here about now and continues up the coast
through mid to late June for different types of berries.

Howie52
Seems that we will be starting the renovations in June and we will need to select an apartment.
So, I will be arranging to visit a few complexes over the next few weeks and try to “downsize”
some of the stuff in attics and “hard to reach” cabinets. More fun than one person is allowed to
even think about.

3 Likes
13

Having gotten my mother’s and brother’s houses ready for sale, I do not look forward to doing my own! Not to mention that I’m older now–I was just in my 60s then.

WEll, the hubster’s on his own in the master suite <DUH-DUHN!>. I’ve already gotten up 6 times for him during my breakfast. I think he wants to get dressed for the day. Fat chance, dude! I’m still drinking my coffee.

Last night was OK. He got up a few times to pee, and I let him go by himself twice and he did pee in the toilet both times. He woke me up for the day around 5:30 (not surprising since he fell asleep for the night at around 5:30), although I didn’t actually get out of bed till closer to 6:30. So a good night for me–6 hours of sleep, perhaps a bit more.

The only gardening I do these days is growing herbs on my front porch & stoop. Only the parsley and chives survived the winter so it’s time to replant. If I didn;t have the car appt on Monday when the aide is here, I’d shopped for new herb splants. I could take a chance on DH behaving at the garden center. He’s always been fine there before, but I generally go only once a year.

huh. The higher dose of olanzapine isn’t a good thing. He’s fiddling with the front door handle–a bad sign. sigh.

1 Like
14

Whether you get hubster to get in pajamas before going to bed isn’t important

Yes and no. He has a harder time dealing with the button and zipper of his jeans than just pulling down pj bottoms. Which means I can never let him go to the bathroom by himself with jeans on in the night .

DH will on rare occasions start pulling off his pants (not while seated in hsi recliner though–while standing). Doesn’t upset me. I can stop him before he opulls down his Depends–which does upset me because it’s likely a prelude to peeing where he stands(!). I’m not worried about him being naked in front of anyone, even the grandkids, as he doesn’t get erections any more (low testosterone) so nothing to distress/surprise anyone.

In the non-cold weather I use a waterproof mattress pad (just a regular fitted mattress pad). The electric mattress pad isn’t waterproof, though.

The only times he wet the bed are when he peed on it deliberately the other night, and when the EMTs wouldn’t let him get up and go to the toilet when they were getting him ready to go to the ER after his first seizure (the seizure didn;t cause him to wet himself–the EMTs holding him down did–one of many reasons I won;t call them after a seizure unless he’s badly injured).

I barely care if he wets the mattress. It’s 20 years old and we need a new one anyway. If our local mattress store hadn’t closed, I’d be shopping for one this spring. I refuse to buy a mattress online that I haven’t tried in person. I’m pretty fussy about mattresses!

1 Like
15

You hadn’t posted for several days so I was hoping nothing dire happened.

I’m more likely to post if something dire happens, not less. Most days are just ordinary. Well, our ordinary, which would drive most people screaming into the hills :wink:

3 Likes