He seems to like it fine once he’s in there for a minute (and stays overlong usually-), but getting him in–yikes! I asked our aide to shower him a couple of weeks ago while I went out for my allergy shot–and apparently he slugged her and wouldn’t rinse out the shampoo (he then went back into the shower to do so). I never let it get far enough for violence.
His last shower was 6 days ago. I’ve tried every monring starting Tuesday. And a couple of evenings. Today he let me help him remove his shirt, pajama bottoims, and one sock(!), but not his t-shirt, underpants, or other sock.
He comes to me every few minutes to indicate he wants to get dressed, and I sweetly tell him he needs to shower first. So…our daily impasse. Some days he manages to put on some clothes unassisted. I’ve even gotten him to change his underpants and t-shirt a couple of times. His body is actually not bad (not smelly), but his hair–ew. I hate the thought of the expense, but I’m now considering taking him to a hair salon to get his hair washed once a week. I have no idea if he’ll cooperate. I should ask his barber if it’s possible to get his hair washed there–I haven’t noticed a salon sink, but I have my nose in my iPad or phone when he gets a haircut.
I’ve tried adding a cube heater to the bathroom to make it warmer–no effect.
I’ve found no useful advice online–it’s all geared toward doign it at the same time every day (as if he’d know the difference-) and explaining things (he can;t understand language). At this point I’m leaving him undressed until we have to go out in case I have success. We don’t have to go out at all today (although I’d love a walk-), so…ideas? I don’t think I can persuade our aide to shower him once a week.
btw, no problem getting him to brush his teeth and shave this morning. That is, there’s a hump to get over to get him to do it (he starts out refusing to take the toothbrush or shaver when I hand it to him, and then takes another minute to remember what to do with it–he won’t let me brush his teeth or shave his face), but we always get there in a minute every day.
Ahhh, 30th time the charm! He took off his own tee & underpants and did an extra-good job scrubbing his head and allowed me to do so as well (I don’t push it–lather once and no repeat). He let me wash most of his body till he blocked access. He even let me wash his bum, which he often doesn’t. He dressed himself with almost no help. And he’s all smiley now. Watched me fix quiche for lunch and didn;t get in the way (mostly-).
sigh. If only we could do this 3x/week! Or even 2x…
I’ll wash the bedding this afternoon, now that he’s squeaky clean
The day was good. He’s getting stronger and steadier on his feet since the fall/seizure. I accomplished a few things, he napped a bunch, ate well and neatly, got just about every drop of pee into toilets, voluntarily took off his pants and put on pj bottoms for bed, and remembered to put his seat belt on both times we were in the car. He is getting confused about getting into the car, but all I have to do is open his door and wave him in. He was good when we went to my brother’s. Maybe try visiting mom tomorrow–I have cards for her made by great-grandchildren.
I’m concerned about the violence. We’ve been told he has hit her, and now an aide. “Only” two cases, so far as we’ve been told. But I assume he never would have done that 10 years ago. That makes him potentially dangerous, possibly even escalating.
I can’t conceive of hitting 1poorlady, but I’m in my right mind for the moment. If I weren’t, I would want her to take steps to protect herself.
1poorguy
P.S. Thanks for the link on the paraffin. One concern I had was the melting point. I know some paraffins melt at a high enough temperature to burn you.
I’m not worried about violence for a few reasons. He’s on calming drugs, I know how to avoid p!ssing him off, he’s less sensitive to being crossed/annoyed than he was a few years ago (when he used to elbow me on occasion–hasn’t happened in a very long time). Not to mention that I routinely hurt myself more than he has ever hurt me! I’ve fallen several times–including breaking my leg severly and bruising my ribs. And I was far more injured by physically helping my brother and mother, who are in their right minds, than everything DH has done put together. Even now, I don’t have to do as much for DH as I had to do for my elderly, frail mother and amputee/diabetic neuropathy brother (and his really heavy obesity wheelchair), especially hefting their chairs in & out of my car, helping Mom up at 5:30am, and she couldn’t do anything herself. She was less helpful getting dressed than the hubster is! And wasn’t interested in learning to do better or exercising to do better.
If my husband ends up in a wheelchair, I’ll keep one in the house and one in the car.
Doing what I do for him now is actually making me stronger. So far.
If he were in a facility, they’d drug him more and he’d be able to do absolutely nothing but sleep. Zero quality of life. Less than zero. Remember, not understanding language, tv doesn’t hold his interest for more than a few minutes (it tends to put him to sleep out of boredom). Music doesn’t hold his attention any more either. When he’s awake and not doing errands, taking a walk, doing his personal hygiene (takes a long time), watching me do stuff, he kinda sits or stands there and stares into space. I take his hand and give him hugs and kisses often. His life in a facility would be much worse. And I’m certain he’d be overall less safe as I have ears on him every second and eyes on him close to it.
Doing what I do for him now is actually making me stronger. So far.
I really noticed this yesterday when I picked up several dozen twigs & small branches from the driveway due to our windy day. I can’t remember the last time I had so little trouble bending over repeatedly–it’s been at least a decade and likely 2-3 decades! (I can’t squat without right-knee pain, so I bend my back to pick something up from the floor/ground. Alas, the days when I could ask the hubster to do it for me are over.)
Speaking of showers, I believe the hubster’s on day 4 without. Hoping I can get him to shower before my dentist appt* at 10, but he’s having his after-breakfast nap. I took mine last night during his after-dinner nap.
I broke a filling or maybe a tooth while eating popcorn on Christmas Eve–last upper molar before wisdom tooth, and on the lingual side so I can’t see it in a mirror, just feel with my tongue. Afraid the piece of whatever got swallowed along with the popcorn!
Speaking of showers, I believe the hubster’s on day 4 without.
I’ve been reading lately that it’s good to allow the body’s surface flora to flourish. Showering removes it, as well as oils and such, which can cause skin problems. It’s difficult, but we have reduced to roughly every other day showering. Unless we are particularly active and need it sooner. Last time we skipped two days because we mostly were in the house, and not doing any heavy work.
Not sure when hygiene concerns would kick in. I assume when he starts to get smelly.
it’s good to allow the body’s surface flora to flourish. Showering removes it, as well as oils and such, which can cause skin problems.
Showering doesn’t have to remove the body’s natural skin oils. That happens only when you use cleansers that make suds, because they contain a surfactant. And it’s the surfactant that destroys the skin’s natural oils in the process of creating suds. And the loss of these oils destroys the protective architecture of the outermost layer of the skin, called the stratum corneum. It’s normally like a little wall of bricks with grout between them, and this keeps out allergens and irritants and microbes. When the oils are destroyed, the grouting disappears and leaves lots of gaps for all of these negative things to enter, and for water to evaporate. The oil production and grouting self-repair within 24 hours in younger people, but after a certain age—differs in different people—it takes more than 24 hours. And people start to experience irritations, rashes, infections.
I use a botanical hair conditioner as my skin cleanser in the shower. It does the job, and doesn’t harm anything. And after I towel dry, I apply a good body lotion with a tad of good oils added, which keeps the water absorbed during the shower from evaporating—and taking a lot more with it.
I use a botanical hair conditioner as my skin cleanser in the shower. It does the job, and doesn’t harm anything. And after I towel dry, I apply a good body lotion with a tad of good oils added, which keeps the water absorbed during the shower from evaporating—and taking a lot more with it.
Reminds me of the normal directions on shampoo bottles.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
I don’t ever repeat because that strips the oils. Getting your hair squeaky clean is not positive. It also dries out your hair.
Reminds me of the normal directions on shampoo bottles.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
I don’t ever repeat because that strips the oils. Getting your hair squeaky clean is not positive.
Exactly. And here too, I use a shampoo that does NOT create lather, and I add oils to it that are good for our hair.
We grow up to think that foaming stuff is what gets us clean. But it is NOT the active process. And all it really does is wreck the health of our skin, scalp, and hair.
Would you be willing to share which shampoo you use and what oils you add and why?
Also, do you use any kind of conditioner or does adding the oils, to the shampoo,
negate the need?
Would you be willing to share which shampoo you use and what oils you add and why? Also, do you use any kind of conditioner or does adding the oils, to the shampoo, negate the need?
Of course! Hopefully tomorrow. Crazy schedule at the moment, with work complications and “kids” visiting (and a dog we’re babysitting). But if not then, then just as soon as I can.
Reminds me of the normal directions on shampoo bottles.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
I don’t ever repeat because that strips the oils. Getting your hair squeaky clean is not positive.
Exactly. And here too, I use a shampoo that does NOT create lather, and I add oils to it that are good for our hair.
We grow up to think that foaming stuff is what gets us clean. But it is NOT the active process. And all it really does is wreck the health of our skin, scalp, and hair.
I’ve become a bit vague about when I last shampooed my hair. I think it might have been September, but it just as easily could have been July or August. The real question is whether it was 2019 or 2020. (For years it had been every two or three days.)
My hair doesn’t get much past my ears and collar even when I need a haircut. It is not naturally oily. Every time I shower I stand with my back to the (hot, but not blazingly so) flow, which is on top of my head, and comb through my hair. I get out all the tangles, and let the comb’s teeth work on my scalp a bit. When I’m out of the shower I comb it wet… and that’s it. I do not put anything (product in my barber’s parlance) on it; while I was at the tail end of thr Vitalis/Brylcreem era as a kid, by my teens it was the wet head is dead! If I need to comb again I just use more water.
My hair is clean, and does not smell. Over time some cruft builds up on the teeth of the combs that needs to be cleaned off. I assume that is my natural hair oils.
(When I was a kid, and was supposed to be sleeping, I listened to talk radio out of NYC. Long John Nebel had a guest, a not-young lady with some sort of European accent, and for reasons I will never know they kept talking about her hair and how wonderful it was. She explained that she had learned from an Eskimo woman whose hair she admired how to care for it: wash once per year, but brush it daily. That is about the only thing I remember from all those hours of listening, but it was odd enough it stuck with me. I suppose that was on my mind somewhere when I stopped shampooing.)
I’m told hot water is a contributor also. Cold showers are best to leave skin oils intact.
Makes sense, but I am not taking cold showers.</i
I don’t think that hot water makes that much of a difference. And 2 things re cold. You don’t have to choose between hot and cold, but between hot and warm. And cold water actually has therapeutic benefits. A physician friend of mine wrote a book about it, carefully documenting the benefits and the evidence for them. You don’t take a cold shower, but you do a cold ending to your regular shower. And you acclimate yourself to it gradually. It functions as an adaptogen, so if you have high blood pressure, for example, it helps to lower it. And if you have low blood pressure, the cold end-shower helps to raise it. Same with other elements too. And it significantly boosts the immune system. A study had been done in a a boys’ boarding school in…I think it was Germany…some time ago. It was during the winter, and the boys were divided into normal showers vs ending with cold. The control group had so many more colds and sore throats than the experimental group did. As I recall, there were very few instances in that group.
I had followed that regimen about 20 years ago, and once I became acclimated, the result was amazing. What it did for my energy and sense of alertness and well-being was wonderful. But I had a very upsetting event in my life and stopped it for a bit, and was never able to get used to it again. Perhaps it’s time to try again!
I’m all about my nice, hot soapy showers. I admit that, since working at home, I probably shower every other day or so now. I don’t shampoo my hair every time, either, and I do think my hair is a bit healthier for it. But when I shower, it’s gotta be hot!
